Taking personal assessment.

I think that we can begin to understand the change in our thoughts first by paying attention to how we feel about ourselves and the world; and secondly, when we pay attention to the "happenings" of us, and in our world. For example, when I begin to like who I think I am; and, when things around me seem to be working out. Notice I said "happenings of us" rather than "happenings to us". I say this because our thoughts and the world around us are actually effected by us, and are not things happening to us. This is refered to as "locus of control (LOC)". We either tend to have an internal LOC, which allows us to take charge of our thoughts, actions, and the happenings in our world; thus, resulting in a higher self esteem. Basically internal LOC means we feel in controll to a healthy degree of our thoughts and happenings. Or, on the contrairy, we have an external LOC, which is the feeling that we have little or no control over our thoughts and happenings: that we tend to feel others are continually "doing things to us". When we get stuck in this we begin to continually blame others for the way we feel we are. So the trick is, is to recgonize which LOC you are operating from in any given situation and train your mind toward the internal LOC, and away from the external LOC. I used to utilize mostly external LOC and people were always trying to do me harm. I blamed others from my addiction to drugs and alcohol. I blamed others when I got dumped, etc... I came to a turning point in my life when I had to own up to everything I had ever done. I had to take a personal assessment. This took a few months of serious reflection. I payed attention to the things I thought; the things I felt; the things I said; and the things I did. I noticed if I was feeling like I was in control, or if others were controlling me. My assessment also led to overcoming what is called cognitive distortion. Cognitive disonance happens in our minds when our actions do not agree with our beliefs and morals. I was depressed, and I hated myself because I was abusing alcohol. I tried to play the tough guy routine, but I just started to hate myself even more. Again, when I came to that place where I took assessment, I had to ask myself what I really believed in, and understand that my actions didn't match. That is why I was having so much trouble. There is a long story between point A & B; however, the idea is that we have to get to a quite place in our lives where we can step back and take an objective assessment of ourselves without being afraid of what we see. Then we have to accept what we have been, so that we can accept who we are now. This opens the door of who we want to become. We want to become the person who is in charge of his or her actions, and those are the actions which suit one's personal convictions and beliefs. I would love to elaborate sometime on the amazing things that happened to me that transformed me and freed me from my self inflicted bondage. We are all prone to this kind of suffering, and we are all blessed and able to overcome it. I pray that you can have the courage, strength, wisdom, patience, and love to begin your journey. God Bless you, and keep you.